Advice for stupid hippies

Step one: Lead by example. Get married or cohabit as soon as you can, and then stay married, for the good of the planet. But please make sure you don't have any children, because they're bad for the environment. And of course you're going to have to live in poverty, because consumption will destroy the Earth.

Step two: Get everyone else to do the same. This is going to be tough, since your miserable condition will be pretty obvious. I would recommend being really shrill, and endlessly prophesying doom for non-believers (you know, like the religious nuts you hated in high school), but you guys seem to have this down pretty well already. So really, it's all about step one for now. Start by giving away the computer which you are currently using to read this-- they can be as bad for global warming as an SUV.

Of course, I won't be joining you. Not that there's anything wrong with what you're doing, but it's just not my lifestyle. I was born this way. Don't judge me.

--FABULOUS J