Friday, March 27, 2015

Movie Reviews: Babysitters are expensive edition

We have not seen a lot of movies lately. Not sure what the problem is. Maybe time, or maybe the cost of getting a special snowflake to come watch our little perpetual motion machine. Either way, the arrival of our second little bundle of boy will not make things easier.

So I'm going to make sure these reviews are extra good, by including a special BONUS PRO TIP with each one-- absolutely free! You're welcome, Hollywood.

* * * The Hobbit 3 : Five armies is pretty good, but couldn't they have made it six? This movie just didn't feel like it had enough going on. The plot structure was too coherent and the movie itself was far too short. But the good news is that they can fix all this when they make the Silmarillion-- preferably as a series of 10 movies, each 10 hours long.

BONUS PRO TIP: PJ, you spent the whole last movie building up the dragon, and then killed it ten minutes into this one. Next time you chop a single children's book into three mega-movies, have the scary monster's death be the awesome climax of film 2 instead of the rushed and meaningless opening scene of film 3.

* * * * Cinderella : Utterly charming! Great costumes, picturesque scenery, and they even managed to make Cinderella's choices sensible within the context of the story. We could all do a lot worse than to make "Have courage and be kind" our motto.

BONUS PRO TIP: If you're going to remake a classic, don't miss the opportunity to showcase the dark horse scene-stealing star. Here I speak, of course, of Gus-Gus. How is it, in this age of shameless and unoriginal exploitation, that we do not have a Gus-Gus movie yet?

That's all for now. Sorry, imaginary readers. But if you want more movie reviews, you could always come watch the kids.