Saturday, March 15, 2008

Everything's coming up Milhouse!

So. The facts.

1) Earth needs babies.

2) Guys who are good dates are bad husbands.

3) Single women with high standards who refuse to settle end up sad and alone. (Hey, don't shoot the messenger. These are facts. It's science.)

The inevitable conclusion: Time for somebody to become Mrs. House of Payne. Aw, yeah.


So why is this not happening? Oh, wait, I almost forgot the last piece of the puzzle. Now, more than ever, American men are lying scumbags. Or immature jerks who flee responsibility.

(Also, we love Battlestar Galactica. So awesome!)

But don't cry, ladies. It could always be worse. A lot worse.


(UPDATE : You think it can't be worse? Because it could be worse. SO MUCH WORSE. [Warning: last link not for the easily embarrassed.])


stacer said...

I think I've seen articles 2 and 3 before. I still think it's important to have *some* standards. Like, oh, it'd be good if the guy I "settle" for isn't under indictment for something. A girl's got be a *little* picky.

the House of Payne said...

Well, I'm out, then. :(

Miss Hass said...

Well, it depends on what the indictment is for, doesn't it? ;)

the House of Payne said...

Being awesome in public and conspiracy to commit rock and roll.

Alice Wills Gold said...

Ok...what in the world? I don't know what was worse...todd, the immature speedo man or the air sex clip (are they serious? - I quit watching after the first 10 seconds, GROSS!)

And, who knew that Japanese men were having such sex issues (you must have one good RSS feed or watch way too much foreign anamation to know the things that you do)

After reading and watching all of your most amazing links, there is only one is indeed a very sad world when there isn't one woman out there who is willing to SETTLE with you! I just don't get it!

They better show up quick, or you may be banned to Japan, because your current celibate life is just so much more appealing.(not to rub it in)

Oh, how I feel for you Mr. Payne. We truly need to find you a wife...and QUICK!!! You should have been nicer to sister missionaries (The Lord may be punishing you - REPENT!)

the House of Payne said...


1) Sorry for that clip, but I did warn you... Anyway, the secret to my crazy links is that I read blogs that have even crazier links. And what all those crazy links have taught me that Japan is a very weird place.

2) Every Elder I can think of who was meaner to sister missionaries than me is married. Of course, the same is true for every Elder who was nicer, too. Matter of fact, I don't know of any guys from the mission who are still single...

3) It's not that no girls are willing to settle for me. It's that there's no overlap (so far) between the girls willing to settle for me and the girls for whom I am willing to settle. Jokes aside, I think the real problem is my own pickiness, not theirs.

Miss Hass said...

Totally acceptable indictment.