The mantle of Elijah



President Gordon B. Hinckley has died.

When President Hunter died, I was serving a mission in Ogden, Utah. That day my companion and I were doing service working on the grounds of the Ogden temple. One of the grounds crew came over and informed us, and we went over and lowered the flag to half mast.

I wish I had something like that I could do today.

--THE HOUSE

Culinary altruism

And now, because my heart is full of love, here is a recipe for preparing pork chops that I created ex nihilo and completely by accident the other night. Bachelor cooking is full of surprises, and some of them are really, really tasty. Enjoy!

The Pork Chop Express

ingredients:
4 small boneless pork chops
one nice big apple
one sweet onion
one clove garlic
half a can of Ro-Tel tomatoes with peppers
one cap of cider vinegar
salt, pepper, cumin, parsley, cilantro

I got a big, big skillet and coated the bottom with olive oil. When the oil was nice and hot I put the pork chops and browned them on one side. Then I turned them over and gave them plenty of salt and pepper. After they cooked a bit, I pushed them to the edge of the pan and emptied half a can of Ro-Tel in the middle. I let that cook while I chopped up the onion and the apple. Then I crushed the garlic and put it in the oil around the edges. The onion went in the middle with the tomatoes, and then I gave it all a bit of salt and a pinch of cumin. After it had a chance to cook a bit more, I threw in the apple and the vinegar and then mixed everything up in the middle. I turned the chops to make sure they got cooked on both sides, tossed a bit of parsley and cilantro on top, and just waited for the chops.

I served it with coleslaw (courtesy of Rachel Lucas) and sourdough bread. Super yummy! And really pretty easy. If anyone else tries it, give me a holler and let me know how it turns out.

--CHEF GILBERTO BENITEZ

Fame and glory watch

Triumph! My email got quoted on The Corner. My domination of all media continues!

--SAN GIOVANNI UMILIATO

A writer writes, always

So, I am thinking about doing something foolish. My friend Mitch was in town and he let me know that Brandon Sanderson is teaching a writing class this semester. Sanderson, as it turns out, is a fantasy and science fiction author who was recently picked to finish the Wheel of Time series. I haven't read any of his other stuff, but I did get one of his books for Christmas and I am thinking about picking up a couple of the others.

It would be a little weird for me to be in class as a student again, especially at an institution where I am currently teaching. And since going to grad school I think I have only written one story. But maybe it's time for me to get started again.

I went to the first class, and from what I can tell, the time commitment will be smallish. The class is in the evening, so that's nice. And all I have to do is write 8-10 pages of fiction every week and read what the other three or four people in my group write. I can do the writing on Saturday or Sunday, whenever I have a couple of hours. And the reading I should be able to do in less than an hour on Thursday afternoon. So I got an add card signed, and I got clearance to enroll. I haven't turned in the add card yet, but I have until Friday to think about it.

It could be fun. I might even let you, my imaginary readers, see what I write for class. Neato!

--CHISAIBU

Amen, brother

I don't know who this guy is, but he appears to be some kind of genius. Also, he has an even better blog alias than any of mine.

--EL DOLOR

PS - Dave Barry is very funny.

PPS - Thanks to Times & Seasons for both links.

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown

This year, I got lots of good presents, including music from iTunes, some great books, and a really beautiful cashmere sweater. But the best gift was to be at home with my family, singing carols around the piano. Happy holidays to all my imaginary readers out there in the land of intertubes. And happy new year.

--HOUSE OF PAYNE

The sickness is deep

Baby, if you've ever wondered... wondered why I despise Ron Paul... I'll tell you one reason why: Many of his most ardent fans are psychos.

Here's an example. Lots of political blogs have noticed that Ron Paul has taken money from neo-Nazis, and that conspiracy nuts and white supremacists are proudly claiming him as the candidate that represents their views. Paul has generally not repudiated these supporters or their views, or given the money back. That's bad.

But it gets a lot worse. The Paulbots have figured out that people are judging The Only Man Who Can Save America by the company he keeps. In other words, lots of voters might get the idea that Ron Paul is a paranoid anti-semite. So, what do they do? They accuse everyone else involved of being a conniving Jew.

White supremacists who say they like Ron Paul? Jews.

Right-wing bloggers who expose the links between Ron Paul and white supremacists? Also Jews.

Other mainstream bloggers and media organizations who criticize the first bunch of bloggers? You might think that these are the good guys, since they are on the same side as Ron Paul. But they're Jews, too-- playing a very deep game. I wish I were kidding, but here's a quote:

It should be obvious that LGF is a Zionist operation, but that doesn't mean you can trust people who expose the lies of LGF.

...none of these groups are willing to expose the Iraq war, Zionism, 9/11, the Holocaust lies, the Apollo moon landing hoax, or any other crime.

...Some of the people who criticize the critics of Ron Paul are Zionist agents, also.

The Zionists are trying to control every side of the issue so that no matter who you decide to trust, you are trusting a Zionist Jew. The only solution is be suspicious of everybody!

Wow. That's USDA Grade-A Choice Psycho. And let me just say that blaming your troubles on scheming Jews is not a good way to prove that you are not an insane neo-Nazis. Which is why we have to suspect that the real conspiracy runs even deeper.

Want to know the real truth? It's too deep and dark for me to see it in its entirety, but let me just say that I have begun to suspect that those of Ron Paul's supporters who say that Nazis, anti-Nazis, and anti-anti-Nazis are all Jewish agents are in fact themselves the real Jewish agents! DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

Or maybe Ron Paul and his fans are all a bunch of loons.

--JOHNANN F. WEISSHAUPT

Nativity

The Lakota have declared independence. They have informed the State Department that they are withdrawing from their treaties with the US. I'm not sure how that works, from the standpoint of international law, but it will be interesting to see how this plays out.

--JAN DEPAUW

Rise and shout

BYU is a funny place.

--PROFESSOR SMARTY PANTS

(Update 10:45 AM : Every Zoobie should read this.)

Western?

So, I took another useless internet quiz, and this one tells me that I have a Western accent. But I am not sure how well to trust it, because after I thought about it and changed one answer, it said I had a "neutral" accent, by which it seems to mean Midwestern.

What American accent do you have? (Best version so far) Western Western is kind of neutral, but not quite since it's still possible to tell where you're from. So you might not actually be from the West (but you probably are). If you really want to sound "neutral," learn how to say "stock" and "stalk" differently.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Go ahead and give it a try yourself, and see if you have a distinctive accent of some kind. (And feed your results into the map.) But I think most of our accents and dialects are dying, because people move around a lot, and everyone watches the same TV and movies. It's a tragedy.

--GILBERTO BENITEZ